A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the Inside, Demon on the Outside
by MomoMortalInstrumentsFangirl
Summary: Clary has gotten herself into a horrible situation. Though demonic activity has died down for now, anguish and despair follow her as she makes life-changing decisions involving love and death. Though she may have angel blood within her, she feels she feels like a demon.
1. Chapter 1

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter I – "Unexpected and Undefended"

Simon glared at Clary through her bedroom's window. Clary gazed back at him, momentarily stunned by his good looks. Though she was ashamed to admit it, "Sexy Vampire Mojo" had really taken its toll on Simon. She remembered when he was almost disturbingly thin, how the skin was loose around his ankles. The vampire transformation had really forced Simon to grow into himself; his face had filled out nicely so he didn't appear quite so much like a jack-o-lantern. His arms and legs had hardened to the extent of him becoming muscly, working towards a chiseled sort of look.

Of course, Simon looked nothing like Jace. Jace was a ray of sunshine, a golden angel sent down from above. In a way, Clary and him were a perfect combination. Both had a distinctive sarcasm and a terrible vulnerability just under the surface. But while Clary was more upfront about her fears, Jace mostly kept them hidden. He knew fear as a weakness that could be used against him, and Clary could only blame Valentine for this.

Simon rapped his knuckles on her window. Clary smiled; she knew he was used to watching her zone out into her own world. But almost instantly, her smile morphed into a frown. He motioned for her to let him in, mouthing _we can talk,_ but Clary just shook her head. She wasn't sure why she was so upset, why his kiss with Isabelle had called up so many emotions. She was butting into his private life. Maybe that was it; maybe it was because Clary had always _been _his private life. And now, after hearing that he had kissed another girl, she was getting irrationally upset. Clary knew she wasn't the jealous type, especially after the incident with Jace in Alicante. _Jace. _His name immediately conjured up a cloud of guilt. Here she was fussing over Simon, when Jace had never even spoken of the other girls, always following him around, during their time together. But somehow, still, Clary couldn't allow herself to forget the jealousy and hatred.

Simon turned to leave and Clary couldn't blame him, he'd been standing there for over an hour. She ran through Luke's, _Clary's, _she corrected herself sternly, house and outside the front door. Jocelyn and Luke had left Clary alone for the weekend, which was a first, and were having a romantic getaway at a nearby hotel.

"Simon, wait up!"

He turned, still wearing that confused grimace.

"So Fray, you finally decide to talk to me after days of silence," he says, "am I supposed to know what I've done wrong or are you going to tell me?"

Clary sighed.

"I'm not really angry at you," she admitted meekly, "just…jealous."

_Oh crap, _she thought, _what have I done? _But Simon just looked confused.

"Isabelle told me what happened between you two," Clary rushed on, "I know it's none of my business."

He looked surprised, then guilty?

"Clary, I'm so sorry, I didn't know it would upset you," said Simon, "its not serious anyway. You know Isabelle; she only plays with Downworlders' hearts." He paused and looked up at her through his long eyelashes.

"But Clary, you and Jace… I don't understand."

Clary didn't either. She felt ashamed. It was one thing to think about this stuff, safe within the confines of her mind, and another to openly discuss it with Simon. She was betraying Jace, her golden boy. She didn't, however, stop herself.

She kissed Simon. She could feel his surprise echoed through his tense body. He quickly adjusted, molding himself around Clary, tangling his hands in her hair. He parted her mouth with his, and she only encouraged him. In a daze, she dragged him back through the empty house and on to her bed, where they had spent so many nights together since they were children. What was she doing?

He lifted her shirt up and over her head, and she didn't protest. In return she raised the hem of his shirt, feeling the hard muscles of his abdomen. Simon's hands clutched at her waist, pulling her closer to him. He began on her jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down her neck. She was betraying Jace, but all she could think was _Simon, Simon, Simon… _

The door opened. Embarrassed, Clary leapt off Simon and turned to face the intruder. Jace's heartbroken and angry face stared back at her.


	2. Chapter 2

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter II- "A Call from the Devil That Was Answered BY THE ANGEL"

Clary had her head in her hands. Jace had left as quickly as he'd arrived, and Simon, with a confused glance at her and an apology, left soon after. What had she been thinking? Kissing Simon had been impulsive, a stupid move. What had Clary been trying to accomplish? _You were trying to show up Isabelle, that's what you were doing, _she told herself. _You don't even like Simon like that; you were just jealous and threw a tantrum, as usual. _ She had not only acted like a complete fool in front of Simon, but she had _cheated _on Jace. It was sad that after all her and Jace had been through, one false move was going to ruin everything. Clary was going to lose Jace, and most probably Simon as well. She knew how this would end. Simon would feel uncomfortable, things would get awkward, and he would end up breaking off their friendship. Jace would also end their relationship, and Clary would become lost in a black void of sadness. Clary sighed, which turned into a sort of wail, and soon enough she was crying, giant tears bucketing down. After about ten minutes of this, she straightened up. Clary had no right to cry. She had to make things right. She had to call Jace.

Jace's phone rang… again. He didn't pick it up. He knew who it was. Jace had come over to Clary's, wanting to know if she could stay at the Institute that night. He had thought that she would be alone. Apparently whatever agreement Simon and him had made over Clary had disappeared. This made him want to hurt Simon so badly, just a quick slice to end his petty life as a wannabe rock-star, with what, five girlfriends?

What really tore Jace apart was that Clary seemed to be controlling the kiss, smiling up at Simon as she had so often done endearingly to himself. She had had her arms and legs wound around Simon, and she was kissing him like Jace had never existed. Simon seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as Clary, though she was obviously the one in control.

Jace had never thought this sort of a thing could happen between him and her, he had thought their souls were bound together eternally. Maybe she couldn't stand to love him after all they'd gone through; the sibling lie, Lilith's possession and the twinning with Sebastian. Honestly, Jace couldn't blame her. Clary obviously just needed a break from all the crazy that seemed to haunt Jace's life. But that didn't keep him from feeling the hurt that she'd chosen Simon over him, and also the guilt that he hadn't tried hard enough to keep Clary. His phone rang again and this time he answered it.


	3. Chapter 3

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter III- "No Angel Blood"

Clary paced Luke's living room nervously. She was winding herself up, replaying every bad scenario that she could create over and over in her head. He would be here any minute, most likely to… Clary couldn't bring herself to even think of it. Break up with her. Clary shuddered inwardly. She knew she couldn't escape the thought; she was awaiting her emotional, and possibly physical, death. What she had done was inexcusable, a horrible mistake that should have never occurred in the first place. She had been acting like this ever since Jace had answered his phone, saying nothing but that he'd "be over in an hour".

Clary sighed and closed her eyes. She was a disgrace to all Shadowhunters. She was barely able to engage in any sort of combat, including demon hunting. She had led Simon to become a vampire, a wanderer in his times with the Mark of Cain. She had created runes that had harmed Shadowhunters, including the Clave. She had killed her own father and attempted to murder her brother, no matter how evil they both were. She had put her friends in extreme danger time and time again, though demon hunting was a dangerous and difficult job. Worst of all, Clary had cheated on her boyfriend, a Shadowhunter that was considered the best in over a century. She had cheated on Jace, who had always been so kind towards Clary. There could definitely be no angel blood within her. She had acted like a complete demon.

A polite knock came from the door. Jace would probably mean it as a harsh blow to the door, but Clary decided to take it as a polite knock.

"Come in," Clary said quietly, meekly.

The door opened and there stood an angel, with golden hair, golden eyes, Marks that decorated fair skin over hard muscle. Clary gasped. Even though they had been apart a few hours, it suddenly felt like months. She wanted to run into his arms, wanted for him to cradle her against his chests. But the realization of what she'd done held her back. His stiff posture and hard gold eyes stared her down, making her feel the size of an ant.

Clary felt her eyes fill, and they embarrassingly brimmed over with tears. She lifted her hand to wipe them away, but Jace's hand was already there. His golden eyes had softened to a warm liquid honey. She waited for him to hastily jerk his hand back, to curse and storm out the door. His hand simply lingered on her cheek, causing an irresistible amount of tingles to run up and down her body, for her heart to beat unsteadily.

"Jace…" she began. What could she possibly say to fill the silence, to apologize?

"I'm so sorry," her voice stammered, "with Simon… it wasn't…I didn't mean to, I don't even like him that way… I…love you…" Her voice caught and the last few words came out as a wail, "Don't leave me."

Jace pulled her close to him and held her tight to his chest. He couldn't stand to see her like this, even if she had hurt him. He couldn't bear to hear any more of her apologizes; he could already see in her eyes how sorry she was.

"Clary," his voice dropped to a whisper, "I don't care about what you did with Simon. I love you. I love you and losing you could never be an option that I would even pause to consider." He pulled her tighter against him. "But please… don't do this to me. It's painful –" Jace cut off. He had almost told Clary how much her episode with Simon had hurt him, how deep a wound she had hacked into his heart. But seeing her like this, it was if none of it had ever happened, like his heart was whole again. But Jace knew that that wasn't true, that it would take time to heal the damage that Clary had inflicted on him.

Right now he didn't care. He softly kissed her, and he could feel her wet cheeks against him, the tears of guilt that she was still crying.


	4. Chapter 4

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter IV- "A Somber Departure"

It was a brilliant Sunday morning and he was overjoyed with happiness. Simon couldn't believe his good luck. Clary had willingly made a move on him, after he had broken up with her those many weeks ago. He had promised he would wait for her to come back to him, though at the time he knew it was a ridiculous thought with Jace around. Now Simon wasn't so sure.

Clary had kissed him, and it would have turned into something more if Jace hadn't walked in on them. It was obvious Clary was jealous of him and Isabelle, which only encouraged Simon's beliefs that Clary had renewed feelings for him. He had meant what he'd said; he didn't have strong feelings for Isabelle, his true love remained with Clary, as it had for the last ten years of his life.

Simon thought that maybe his life was finally turning around. The last few months had been pretty crazy, especially the vamp part. Clary had slowly drifted further and further away from him, and closer towards the Shadowhunter world and Jace. Simon knew that these feelings of loss were pointless; this was Clary's _destiny, _just as it had always been. He just didn't want to be left behind. But after yesterday… Simon walked up the stairs that led to Clary's house. He was getting too excited. He needed to play it cool.

Clary opened the door. Standing outside was the person she least wanted to see. She didn't want to be rude to Simon, or to break his heart again, but she knew she made a mistake by stringing him along. It pained her to see the goofy smile plastered on to his face and she involuntarily winced. Simon's grin immediately slid off his face.

"What's the matter Fray?" He obviously didn't feel as awkward as she did. Somehow Clary had miraculously sorted things out with Jace, and it was almost as if none of it had never occurred. Unfortunately, Clary had to break the news to Simon.

"Simon…" she immediately felt betrayed by her own voice, which gave away more guilt than she had been planning on. He also sensed it and immediately tensed up, his eyes hardening. He looked braced, as if ready for the bad news he was about to receive.

"I…I can't do this," Clary admitted, "I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea." Clary instantly regretted her choice of words.

"How couldn't you have given me the wrong idea Clary?" he yelled angrily, "you kissed me!" Clary winced again. Simon almost never yelled at her like this. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Simon cut her off.

"No, don't say anymore," he said, "I can't do this any longer. We can't be friends. I would say I'm sorry, but honestly I'm not. I'm tired of you toying with my emotions. Goodbye Clary."

And just like that, he left.


	5. Chapter 5

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter V- An Act of Redemption

"I ask entrance into this holy place by the Angel Raziel…" The institute door swung open, revealing the welcoming corridors of the Institute that had grown familiar to Clary over the months. She stepped inside the elevator and spotted Church, who was slumped against a wall, giving him the appearance of a large gelatinous blob.

"Church, where's Jace?" Clary asked him, biting her lip. She hoped he wasn't training or demon hunting. She hadn't informed him that she was coming over; she hadn't wanted to give him time to avoid her. Not that he had been, but Clary was taking extra precautions after what had happened last week. 

Church led her out of the elevator and down the hallway. He strode confidently passed the library. Not for the first time, Clary wondered if Church was taking her in the right direction. She smiled at the memory of Jace calling him a "backstabbing Judas" after Church had led them to Isabelle under the false pretenses of taking them to Alec. Church flopped on the carpet in front of Jace's door, and Clary let out a sigh of relief. So Jace was here after all.

Jace heard a knock on the door.

"No Isabelle I do not want to taste another batch of your peanut fish soup," Jace shouted, "But I'm sure Alec would care to try some, you know how he loves exotic, foul new tastes."

He opened the door, and was surprised to see Clary standing there.

"I'm sorry I don't have a bowl of Izzy's soup," said Clary, smiling, "you want to go get some Taki's?"

She looked gorgeous standing there, as usual. Her red curls were tied up in a bun, and she was wearing what she knew was Jace's favorite blue sweater of hers. Her green eyes were dancing, yet they were guarded, as if happy to see him but waiting for him to slam the door in her face. Jace was used to reading Clary's expressions easily, but right now it made him uncomfortable. She still felt guilty, and Jace didn't want her to. He had done much worse to her over the months, and she had forgiven him without batting an eye. But doubt and fear still weighed his shoulders down; he didn't want her to leave.

He pulled her close and kissed her lightly on the mouth, before drawing away. Jace studied her expression; she looked surprised…and still guilty. It had been the first time they'd kissed since their post-argument.

He removed the pin from her hair, letting it fall out of its bun to hang around her shoulders in a red curtain.

He kissed the top of her forehead and said, "I'll just get my jacket."

Clary was savagely digging into her favorite coconut pancakes, slashing at them like the pain slashed at her heart. Jace had been happy to see her, that much was obvious, but she could also see the hurt that lingered behind his smile. She had thought it was behind them now, but as soon as Jace had opened his door, she knew that she had been stupid to even think such a thought. Only time would renew his trust, and possibly love, for her. But maybe… Clary shook her head. That wouldn't solve anything.

"What are you thinking about?" Jace asked curiously. He had looked up from his meal and had seen her shaking her head.

"Nothing," Clary said, her mouth still full of pancake.

An almost awkward silence fell over their table as Jace observed her. It was if he was looking around in her head, picking around in her thoughts.

"What are your plans today?" wondered Clary, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Nothing," said Jace, mimicking her, a smile on his face. "Isabelle and Alec have gone out with Maryse, so no one's at the Institute. I've got the whole day to spend with you."

She knew he wasn't expecting her to ask this, but she had to redeem herself. Clary's insides melted like butter, but almost instantly transformed into anxious butterflies.

"Want to go back to the Institute?"


	6. Chapter 6

A Mortal Instruments Fanfiction – "A Shadowhunter Book: Angel on the inside, Demon on the outside"

By Moana Chavez

Chapter VI – "The Wreck of Life"

Simon kicked a leaf aside with his foot, muttering under his breath. It had been a few days, but Simon was still aware of the crushing realization that continued to settle on his shoulders. He didn't want to think of Clary, about her beautiful curls of red, her fiery attitude, her white smile, or the happiness that radiated out of her whenever she was with him. She had utterly used Simon, though he wasn't completely sure how. She claimed to be jealous, but now she had apparently decided against whatever feelings she had for him. He could change her mind; he knew her love for him lingered.

Somehow word had gotten out about Simon and Clary. Not to everyone, but a selective few, Alec and Magnus. Simon believed that Jace had specifically let this leak to them, in the hope that they would taunt Simon, and unfortunately his premonitions had been correct. Alec had done more than teased Simon; he had openly shamed him in front of Maryse, causing him to become scolded. Simon knew it wasn't Alec's fault; his parabatai instincts had just kicked in.

As he turned on to the lane that homed Count Borscht and his blintzes, Simon spotted an angry figure striding towards him. An angry figure with long black hair, a curvy body, and a dangerous ability to pin a vampire to a wall with a variety of different knives. Isabelle.

Jace looked confused. He obviously hadn't anticipated what Clary was about to do. He glanced around his room, clearly wondering why she had brought them there. Clary followed his gaze, until his eyes flicked up to her own. Jace must have seen her wild look, and he stepped towards her, quickly closing the small distance between them. Jace tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, smiling.

"Why did you want to come here?"

Clary hesitated. She wasn't ashamed; she had to let him trust her again. She needed to be vulnerable, in every way possible.

She leaned closer to Jace, and whispered, "Because I love you.

After Clary had said those words, everything seemed to pass in a blur, though she remembered everything clearly. She was kissing his neck, he was kissing hers, and they were holding each other, melting against one another. At one stage Jace moved them on to the bed, and Clary didn't object. She lay on the bed, as they kissed frantically. The connection between them seemed to grow stronger, the feverish energy growing.

"Do you love me?" Clary sincerely wished to know the answer.

"Of course," he mumbled against her lips, speaking as if there was no other option. As if their love was undeniable.

"Do you trust me?"

At this Jace gently drew himself away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. She had done the wrong thing. She was forcing her love upon him, forcing him to trust her again. What had happened to the feelings that she had used to have for Jace? She had always felt as if there was no one else for her, as if Jace was the only person on the planet. Now there was someone else in her life, a person se had never strongly considered becoming her lover. Clary pushed those feelings down, forcing them to disappear.

"Jace?" she asked. When he looked up, a mixture of emotions churned around inside of her; guilt, fear, love, pain. He stared at her with a desperate sort of longing. Clary had seen this look before when Valentine declared that they were "siblings".

"Is that why you brought me here?" he asked. He must have seen the obvious confusion on her face because he continued. "To make me forget everything?"

She reluctantly nodded. There was no point in lying to him.

Jace looked away. The tension within the room grew.

"Clary, this isn't something I can forget. We've always had a careful love, something that could easily be corrupted by incest and demons. Maybe this is a sign that the fragile love that we have tried to protect from the wreck of life has finally been broken. Messages flashing like bright stop signs that tell us to turn in the other direction. This isn't something I can forget."


End file.
